Rhyme or Reason
Why God created dogs and cats
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to the question: where do pets come from?
Adam said: “Lord, when I was in the garden you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you any more. I am lonely here, and it’s difficult for me to remember how much you love me.”
And God said: “No problem! I will create a companion that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so you will love me even if you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish, childish or unlovable you might be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.”
And God created a new animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and wagged his tail. And Adam said: “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”
And God said: “No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name and you will call him DOG.”
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was contented and wagged his tail.
And after a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to the Lord and said: “Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has, indeed, taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.”
And the Lord said: “No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and will see him as he is. This companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know he is not always worthy of adoration.”
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility. And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was happy. And Cat didn’t give a s*** one way or the other.
(I. Morrison, Edinburgh)
Baking cookies with your cat!
1 .Look in cookbook for cookie recipe.
2. Get cup of coffee.
3. Get cat off of cookbook.
4. Find that special recipe.
5. Get cat’s nose out of coffee mug.
6. Go to fridge and get eggs.
7. Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8. Break eggs in small bowl.
9. Sift dry ingredients in large bowl.
10. Answer the phone.
11. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.
12. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.
13. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.
14. Throw flour out and get more.
15. Preheat oven for cookies.
16. Looking at cat & wanting to bake cat now. Cat runs for cover into bathroom.
17. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
18. Big crash in bathroom; run to see what happened.
19. Cat has toilet paper all over floor; stuff spilled and knocked over on top of bathroom counter.
20. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl…
21. Can sense cat is angry.
22. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.
23. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs.
24. Cleanup bathroom.
25. Hear a thump in kitchen ... Oh Golly ... now what?
26. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen.
27. Try to pick out cat hairs from flour.
28. Step on cat’s tail and get bitten.
29. Get coat, car keys, and go to store to buy cookies!!!
(L. Dixon, Preston)