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Rhyme or Reason

The Tomcat

Hello said the tomcat with a smile,
Trust your new friend for a while.

Don’t try to escape through this fence!
I’m the guy with experience.

Come back later she said with a grin,
When May’s finished that bottle of Gin.

I’ll get through the cat flap when she’s in bed,
I’ll meet you at 11 behind the shed!

Time to go in, it’s time for tea.
Can you hear her, she’s shoutin me?

Later that night we met as planned,
Walked to the park hand in hand.
When I got home I felt the guilt,
and ran upstairs and got under May’s quilt.

I was thinking over and over, what have I done??
I was very naughty but it was Fun!

Nine weeks later The Kittens are here,
I didn’t expect them to appear!

Now off the teats, mature at last,
Homes are needed quick and fast.

MAY’s not happy! Call the CSA,
I’m gonna make that TOM CAT PAY!

(M. Ellis, Bolton)

I bought the dogs a new bed...
...but the cat nicked it!

Mad Hour

Mad hour arrives without warning,
whether noon, midnight or morning.
The cat, he excitedly flees
from his ghostly enemies.
But only he knows
who or what are his foes.

His tail mindless fraught
must quickly be caught;
Scattering awry
and climbing high,
Nothing is safe, as jumping and flouncing
he madly rushes, pawing and pouncing.

What does he see in his manical run?
Is he insane or just having fun?
In mystical minutes he suddenly stops
and in a plump place he placidly plops.
Purring, grooming after his fling:
Mad Hour? Never heard of such a thing.

(L. Dezonie, Claypole)

Welcome to Lynda Ward’s ‘Rhyme or Reason’, a regular column devoted to feline related sayings, poems, rhymes, limericks and ditties (these can be by you, or even by your cat or another animal).

You’ll receive a free 2kg bag of James Wellbeloved premium cat food if your item is published (5kg if it’s chosen as the ‘Star Turn’) and it can relate to any aspect of cats and cat ownership. So don’t delay, start racking your brains for those serious, funny or wise words!

Contributions should be e-mailed to Lynda at lyndaward@pettradesolutions.com faxed to 01773 540703 or posted to Lynda Ward, c/o Our Cats, with your full postal address.